Raw Dish!

By Stephen Parker

November 2010

The Saturday before Thanksgiving I flew down to North Carolina to spend a week in my home town.  A couple of weeks before going I had begun to feel a little anxious about how I’d manage my food while I was away.  My raw food regime was feeling very satisfying and I didn’t want to recklessly mess it up. 

Over the years when I’ve made the same trip, staying raw was sometimes a painful struggle.  Back home were all the home cooked meals and comfort foods that I had grown up with.  Sometimes in the past I’d refrain from eating these familiar favorites for a day or two, but then, feeling guilty about my family’s disappointment because I wasn’t eating their cooked food, and struggling with my own cravings to re-experience the safe cocoon built of a warm safe home and the plentiful thoughtfully prepared meals of my childhood, I’d give in and begin to eat the foods that I associate with home, childhood and my family’s way of showing love.  Subsequently, after returning to my home in New York, it would sometimes take days, weeks and even months to get back on my preferred raw food diet.

This time around I wasn’t sure how I’d handle the food.  I knew that I wanted and needed to use this vacation to relax and rest; I did not want to struggle with myself or others over food.  I was also wary about eating cooked food and starting down a slippery slope and not being able to stop.

“Home” is with my aunt and uncle and since my uncle’s death a year ago my aunt has been adjusting to life without her “sweetheart” of sixty years; it’s been very hard for her.  Preparing delicious home cooked meals, feasts, for themselves, friends and family was a central component of their life together.  Everyone associates John and Maxine with good home cooked meals.  Unfortunately, these same delicious cooked meals contributed to my Uncle’s heart disease, digestive disease, arthritis and joint problems, osteoporosis and stroke.

Uncle John was a strong willed opinionated man with a big heart who would do anything for anyone in need.  Aunt Maxine would refer to him as being “stubborn, you can’t do anything with John” and later you’d hear her say “John’s as good as gold; he’d do anything for anybody.”  Over the years as Uncle John’s health declined I’d feel frustrated that he refused to make any changes in his eating habits.  I never had any expectation of him embracing a raw food life; expecting that would have been a disconnect with reality on my part.  Even so, I recognized that small changes might have helped, i.e.: cutting back on salt, fat, meat and soft drink consumption.  Regarding his health, Uncle John would only do what his doctors told him to do; he took many many prescribed drugs and he had many many surgeries.  As a result he experienced many many complications.    

Anticipating this trip home, I didn’t know if my aunt would insist on cooking for me like the good old days or if she would refrain in an attempt to avoid memories associated with my uncle and sixty years of home cooking.  I did not want to have a confrontation with her about food.  There have been times in the past when she became downright angry with me for not eating cooked food when I was home.  There was that Thanksgiving that I went home and stayed raw; it was not a happy occasion.

Aunt Maxine is 82 years old.  Considering all factors, she’s in good health, but she is not as active as she used to be; she feels a little low these days.  She’s had one knee replaced, recent foot surgery that hasn’t healed well, and she’s grieving heavily over Uncle John.

Other than accepting an invitation to join my Uncle Franklin’s family on Thanksgiving Day, Aunt Maxine and I did not discuss food prior to my arrival on Saturday morning.  She picked me up at the airport as she has countless times over the years.  She’s always waiting for me inside the small air terminal.  These days it feels a little bittersweet to see her and notice that she’s become a little frail is not as fast on her feet as we walk to the car to drive home. 

Arriving home, as we walked into the house Aunt Maxine said “I’ve baked some sweet potatoes and I have some black-eyed peas. I can cook some biscuits if you want them.”  When I heard those simple humbly spoken words from someone who loves me very much I knew that I wasn’t going to engage in an internal cooked versus raw food struggle during this trip home.  I simply accepted that I would eat what was there.  A few minutes later I sat down and I ate that simple lovingly prepared lunch and I enjoyed it a far cry more that the “fresh” fruit plate that I had purchased at the airport. The sliced fruit was sealed in airtight plastic and consisted of hard unripe melon, unripe pineapple and hard sour strawberries.

With regard to food during my vacation, it was okay, but I did not stay raw.  I ate some very satisfying meals with my Aunt and family and friends.  A couple of times I got carried away with eating various cooked things, usually snack foods at night after dinner.  Raw food eating was not thrown completely out of the window however.  All of my breakfasts were raw.  I’d drink my green smoothie or eat a plate full of sliced oranges while Aunt Maxine ate her oatmeal.

Another thing I did was to eat as many greens as possible.  One day after a cooked lunch I sat in the back yard enjoying the sun and ate a large head of Romaine lettuce for dessert.  I like Cole slaw and it’s raw, so I ate as much of it as possible when we went we had seafood or barbecue.  The more raw food I ate with the cooked food the less heavy my stomach felt.

Thanksgiving?  Yes, my turkey was real and it was cooked.  My Uncle Franklin and his family prepared a large traditional meal for all 37 of us.  The miracle was that I didn’t over eat and end up feeling physically miserable.  For that I am thankful.

I am not advocating eating cooked food.  We all have our unique historical relationships with cooked food and family, and as raw foodists, we navigate these relationships in the best way we can.  The important thing is to navigate with as much honesty with ourselves as we’re capable of.  I knew that I was taking a risk with eating cooked food during my trip and that it could result in months of struggle to get back to a consistent raw diet.  In this instance it felt more important to be free of the enervating mental struggle and internal worry about whether to eat raw or cooked food.  In retrospect I think in this instance I needed to let go.  I’m aware that I might be engaging in rationalization of my actions.  I’m not advocating that others make the same choice that I made; I merely want to share my experience on the raw path.

Anticipating my return to New York, I felt concerned about whether or not I’d be able to get back to raw eating without difficulty.  Would I feel deprived?  Would I have uncontrollable cravings?  I feel glad and very grateful that I was able to get right back on track with raw food.  I miss Aunt Maxine’s home cooked food, but it is evident that I feel more alive, mentally clear and healthy when I maintain a raw diet. 

This thanksgiving I was grateful to have a loving family to welcome me with open arms, grateful to have a warm safe comfortable home, grateful to be employed, and grateful to have terrific health.  I am grateful to be on this raw food path.